So I’ve kinda fallen off the FB and blogging world since about March.  For good reason in my opinion, but here’s my attempt at explaining why and what new things lay ahead for my life as a friend, mother and wife…

First of all I HATE sharing this this way, however thanks to STUPID Cox Communication my email is down that has ALLL my email addresses, so email is not an option.  A status update seemed bad too.  So, here I go…

I’m not quite sure where to start.  There’s no sugar coating it…after many, MANY years of talking, discussing & debating about moving for Matt’s job we’ve made the agonizing decision.  With in the new 2 months or so we’ll be moving to the hot, HOT spot of Arizona.  Yes, so far away.  I could explain for hours how many times we (really “I”) held Matt back from taking opportunities with his job b/c I didn’t want to move.  Nope.  No change for me!  We talked about it when we were first married, we even visited TX when preggers with Emma.  TX came up several times and with each new division opening we’d discuss it.  Just this February we sat down and decided what cities we’d be interested in moving to.  Our short and not so flexible  list was Tulsa, Kansas City and maybe Dallas. I had all sorts of excuses why we couldn’t do it.  Family, money, friends, etc.

Well last week Matt came home from work and mentioned he’d received a job offer.  The timing of this offer is something I’ve spent many of hours questioning God about- but I’ll get to that.  What’s different this time is he gets his pick of Tulsa or Arizona instead of just “throwing his name in the hat” for the job they chose for him.  While Tulsa would seemed more logical to some, in the case of seeing family, it didn’t hold the opportunity that AZ does.  Opportunity, not necessarily more $$.  I’d never want anyone to think dollar signs would tempt me to leave my family & dear friends. NEVEReverever.  Yes it will be more, but when you account that I’m losing my job…not really more $$.

Matt has been chosen/requested to move to AZ to work at the QT Distribution Warehouse  that contains all the product such as lids, cups, straws, all things QT that are shipped out to stores AND the QT Kitchens that make all their food products. (Hotzies, donuts, cookies, sandwiches, etc)  Food is an area QT plans to grow in a lot in the coming years and this is a great opportunity for Matt to get in on the beginning stages of it.  His role at first is quite similar to his job now.  Hiring, training & firing of the hundreds of employees.  His job is to create a a program for the facility to follow where employees follow standards, are held to fair and consistent standards and are trained appropriately.  Or so I think…it’s all a bit fuzzy b/c…

Fast forward an hour after Matt received news of this job and he gets a call from me.  We hadn’t shared yet, but we had found out in March we were expecting.  Very much a surprise, but very much welcomed after the shock wore off.  Home tests were not very accurate and actually read negative.  But the 2 Dr. blood tests showed I was in fact expecting.  That all changed last Thursday.  Upon returning home from MOPS I discovered something was not right.  I called my Dr. and Matt.  He met me at the Dr. office and between the exam and sono shared that he had “work news”.  At that point I was NOT prepared to discuss that.  By days end we had in fact been informed this pregnancy was not going to last.  I was always excited when learning of expecting a baby and had NO idea how devastating the news of losing a baby at 2 months could be.

It almost seemed as though the past week has drug on slower than any time in my life.  There’s been so much to digest in such a short time.  So many questions as to why God chose this specific timing.  I mean each event in it’s own is enough.  But all in one day.  All in a 2 hour time span.  Overload is where I have been!  And since making our moving decision I’m still there!

I would worry that maybe all the stress lead me to making a rash decision about moving, but that is the simply amazing part.  I’ve experienced more anxiety when just discussing moving before than what I feel about our decision this time.  I decided to live Monday as if we had decided to move.  Tuesday I tried to live as if were weren’t and it is unexplainable how different I felt.  It’s almost as if God changed my eyesight, like I was looking through a different lens.  Looking around the house or driving through Derby, didn’t feel the same.  I felt as if there wasn’t the “I can’t leave” connection I had felt before. And had this nagging that we should go.

We both kind of agree that had I not lost the baby and in fact were going to have a 4th child we wouldn’t have even discussed moving.  That was hard to hear and realize.  Painful to think that losing a baby somehow directed and focused us on a plan.  Still saddens me.  Having a 4th child and living here is surrounded with feelings of joy, where moving half way across the country is a mixture of every sad and scary emotion.

Now do NOT get me started on thinking about the relationships I’ m leaving behind, because well that will take a looong time to accept.  I just have this overwhelming feeling that this is what we should do.  There’s a peaceful feeling I have about living there.  The moving, the leaving stirs lots of stress within me, yet I know it’s the right thing for Matt’s job and well he’s worked very hard over the years at QT and all of our retirement “eggs” are in his basket since I’ve not worked in 7 years.

My prayers are many and all across the board…one that all our friends and family will try to understand and support our decision.  Second that we will find a neighbor or friend of some sort for Emma to play with and perhaps a mother on our street that is also home that I can get to know.  And that God will continue to open or close doors as this process continues.  He already had opened doors that we feel point us in this direction.  I pray we find a church and quickly develop a support system.  It’s our goal and prayer to be conservative in our living as to afford to visit home often.  Matt gets 3 weeks vacation and I’d hope to return for a couple weeks each summer.  Pray that Allegiant Air stays in Wichita for reasonable airfare. I pray the job goes well and QT offers Matt a job back closer to home in the next 3-5 (dream) or 6-7 (yikes) years…please not longer than that.  Probably not going to be Wichita, but maybe KC or Tulsa.  I pray this is a chapter or season of our life that will end and  move us toward better things as our children grow and our parents age.

There’s so many things that I will miss that are quite little in comparison to some things one might miss…annual things like Fair Days, Labor Day celebration, Bake Day, MOPS,  scrappin/CropAGanza, Buzzards with my fam, church with Matt’s fam, the list could go on…and I seriously doubt this will be the last of the news on moving OR me medically as apparently I can’t miscarry appropriately and may face procedures next week for that…why…really WHY??!!

Consider yourself lucky to get the news this way.  You’re spared the tears & snotty runny nose with sniffling you’d have to endure on the phone or in person….ta ta for now…

In true late fashion…

Stats- 23lbs at the last appt. for yucky nose drainage

.: What You’re Wearing- 18 months – which is fitting in length & around, size 4 shoe

.: Firsts- Looong trip to TX to Riverwalk & Sea World, met  Uncle Johnnie & Jeanne, crawling, pulling up, Easter in Melvern & Atlanta, tooth, in big boy rear facing car seat, first time swinging at the park, starting to hold baba & first burn on his fingers! Ouch!

.: From Head To Toe- long, curly reddish hair.  Still flips and curls when you get sweaty, still fighting neck rash, got a shiny white tooth, loves to move & chew on EVERYTHING

.: Loves- chewing and drooling, pulling off your socks, crawling to get into pots and pans, dog dish, etc, playing in the hall bath, unrolling TP or scooting stool back and forth, saying “dadadadada”

.: Dislikes- quite frustrated when first crawling at not having the speed to keep up with mama, green foods, baby food meat, stage 3 “chunky” food

.: Eating- bottle every 4-5 hours, cereal and fruit for bfast, jar of veggie & fruit for lunch and supper, likes puffs, cheerios, biter biscuits, wagon wheels, etc

.: Sleeping- a lot can change in a month!  Now staying up later than the other 2 kids…it’s like you figured out you can have us all to yourself.  :)  Still waking up once a night for bottle and then again about 6, but if left along you’ll usually go back to sleep.

A few shots of various “firsts” for the last month-

Isaac waiting at Sea World while E, A & Mommy were on a roller coaster…

 

Swinging like a Big Boy.  He LOVED it!

 

First Easter…complete with tie…

 

Holding Baba with blisters from burn…

 

One of his favorite activities…

 

A standing big boy…

 

 

That first birthday is quickly approaching…I can’t believe it!

Well we started out at 5:45 on Tuesday evening for our trek to South Texas.  Back of the truck loaded up most of the contents of our home, a small sleeping quarters if needed, Ms. GPS lady, snacks and drinks we were ready to hit the highway.  Here’s a shot as we’re all happy, excited and non tired.  Well ok I was tired from late nights packing and preparing for the trip (hence no photo of me as we were leaving).  Aidan and Emma had fun working on a worksheet packet I had made for her all themed on ocean animals.

II blindly held my camera back and got this shot of the most awesomeness traveling baby EVER!

The stud-a-riffic marathon driver hubby.

Aidan was asleep by the OK line as was Isaac. We made a quick stop in OK City to see my Meg!!  It had been waaay to long!  We had an awesome dinner at Cheddars (I’d highly recommend for the food and the price!)  before dressing the kids in jammies and setting up the dvd player.

 

Aidan and Emma watching Monsters Vrs. Aliens.  Emma and Isaac only made it about 30 minutes into it.  Aidan hung on until the end of the movie about midnight before falling asleep.

About the time everyone was asleep we had to fuel up.  Not sure where we were, but near a huge casino along the interstate.  A quick fill up and all sleepers kept dreaming- as did I anticipating that at some point I’d need to relieve Matt.

We stopped in Dallas about 2 am so Matt could get a snack, stretch his legs, and wake up a bit.  He stopped at a QT travel plaza so he gassed up on the last bit of “good gasoline” for the trip and toured the HUGE QT. At this point Aidan got stir crazy in his car seat. “Get me outta here” he said. I held him while parked at QT and then (with much worry) laid him in the very back where I had left enough room in case of  a cranky sleeper. Isaac was ready to be fueled up as well.  Topped him off with a bottle.

About 150 miles outside of San Antonio Matt caved in and asked me to drive. I was a bit worried stopping would wake all our sleepers…but it didn’t. Matt slept for an hour…about 4-5 a.m.  While driving I realized we were going to hit SA earlier than expected so slowed down a bit so the kids would continue resting. Total time driving plus stopping in OK city was depart Derby at 5:45 pm and hit SA for breakfast at 6!!  We found an IHOP for breakfast and the waiter was shocked a fam of 5 was up and out for bfast at 6 am.  He finally asked and we told him we had drove through the night from KS. :)

Breakfast didn’t take very long so we had no where to go and ended up in the zoo parking lot and hour early!!  Wow! We’re never early!  Matt rested while the kids attempted to occupy themselves in the car they had been in for 12 hours!! Yeah…that didn’t go so well!  When Matt awoke the zoo parking lot was super CRAZY!  We thought maybe a new zoo exhibit had opened…they line was long or longer than when we went to the Tiger exhibit opening in Wichita!!  I asked a zoo worker and they said nope…just spring break! The zoo was worth the wait! Parts of it were better than the Sedgwick Co. zoo…and some parts wasn’t quite a good…but the entire zoo was beautifully landscaped.  And OH to see green grass and flowers in bloom!!  Not to mention the perfect temperatures!

Aidan with his favorite animals…the Dingos.  Or as Emma used to call them…Kamingos. This is him saying “dingOs”!!

Anywhere we go Emma is obsessed with having her own copy of the  map! 

WARNING what you are about to view is the most PRECIOUS baby face EVVVVA!!!

The most precious baby face with his mama!  He was actually doing anything possible not to smile!! Lil’ stinker!

The SA zoo had several of my favorite animal.  And they had them closer than our zoo.  Does this animal not demonstrate God’s creativity!!  The legs and back end are like a zebra, yet the face and ears are like a giraffe…and has a long neck…just not as long as a giraffe!! So unique!!

Aidan’s highlight.  The train!!  It was so cute!  The train took you around the outer zoo grounds Brakenridge park and near a museum and golf course.  It went through a tunnel, over several bridges and on several occasions went through intersections were cars stopped and everyone waved!! 

Here we are going over one bridge…ugh…I need to get over my anxiety about my kids and water…

Isaac slept through the entire train ride!!

We left the zoo and the hotel didn’t quite have our room ready for early check in so thanks to Ms. GPS lady we located a Chick-fil-A.  It was St. Patty’s day so the kids got free green balloons that had Chick-fil-A coupons in them.  Too bad we don’t have one close in KS!!  We arrived to the Hotel about 3 and we all Matt took a rest before cleaning up to go to dinner.  Yet again Ms. GPS gal helped us find Rainforest Cafe on the Riverwalk…but this time we were on foot!  Tell ya that GPS thing is awesome!  The wait for dinner was 1 hour 15 min! Yeah…with 3 kids in a very small location and tons of people!! E, A & myself tried to walk around a bit to kill time but it was St. Patty’s and the place was crazy packed!! Single file line walking everywhere and need I mention we were very close to the water…another time in which my anxiety with the kids and water cripples me!! :)

Dinner was great.  The restaurant was in a 3 story building so not quite the atmosphere of the others I’ve been to (KC & Vegas), but the kids still had a good time.

It was great that we walked to find Rainforest Cafe because it took us right by the Alamo.  The kids were less than thrilled about some old building…but we tried to explain the history behind it.  It’s pretty at night. 

We didn’t get back to the hotel after dinner until after 9 p.m.  The kids did so great all day considering their night of sleep was in their car seats, up early, zoo all day with little nap!  We heard no peep out of Isaac they whole trip except when he was hungry at 2 a.m.  I fully expected a “Are we there yet"?” from Emma before the OK line and didn’t!! We tucked them in with a movie and were asleep before Matt got the movie started on the TV! Tired babies!!  Matt heard on the news that night that it was the busiest day on record at the SA zoo.  Glad we were a part of that history! :)  Matt and I passed out shortly after the kids…restin’ up for the big day at Sea World!

.:Stats- 21lbs at the last appt. for pnemonia follow up

.: What You’re Wearing- 12 months, still size 3 shoe…getting close to a 4

.: Firsts- sitting position to crawling position, back to sitting, first bump on your gums with a tooth trying to come in, big photo shoot with cousins and then 2 weeks later for 6 month pics,

.: From Head To Toe- your hair is actually getting a bit long!! it flips and curls a bit, still fighting you rash among all your chins- all the drool from teething makes it worse, got a bump on your gum where the first tooth is trying to make it’s appearance, still have an adorable smile and “bright” eyes, you can get anything in your mouth you touch, like chewing on your toes when they are bare

.: Loves- chewing and drooling, pulling off your socks, sitting and rocking on your hands and knees..or feet when in the bear crawl position, chewing on pacci, playing the back and forth game- when Gma holds me I want Mama, when Mama has me I want Gma, bouncing in the saucer,

.: Dislikes- the bottle not in your mouth instantly when you wake in the night, that you are not able to actually gain forward movement when trying to crawl, green foods [not sure where you get that! :)], mommy’s face leaving your sight,

.: Eating- still not a fan of  green foods, but will tolerate peas without shivering now, like rice & oatmeal cereal with fruits, eating 2-3 meals a day with bottles every 4-5 hours

.: Sleeping- our early bedtime boy!  gets fussy about 7:30 in bed shortly after 8!  Sometimes only wakes once about 3 or twice about 1 and 4.  Pluggin with pacci sometimes works to get you to go back to sleep, other times I’ll still give you a bottle.  I can get one good nap out of you each day and it’s usually in the AM with 2 shorter afternoon naps.  When you do wake in your crib you often times play and play before making noise to get our attention!

So to continue on with my post about my fabo birthday…

Before Matt left town he took me to dinner at Chipotle.  So glad my tummy had recovered from IT to be ready for the football burrito! :)

Knowing Matt was scheduled to be out of town my friend Karra [college room mate & bridesmaid in my wedding- mother of 3 crazy cute boys] asked if I’d be interested in getting a sitter and going out for dinner.  Don’t have to ask me twice!!! Sure!  We chose Carrabbas b/c she loves the place and so do I, and Matt doesn’t…so it made perfect sense!  April joined us.  She’s a new friend I’ve met through Karra.  She has taken part in our annual holiday bake day held at Karra’s each December.   Despite the way the photo looks April IS the only one expecting. [5 weeks out to be exact…seriously?? my face was as swollen as her belly when I was that preggo!!] I was however over stuffed on chicken parm & alfrado…AND bread AND salad AND hot fudge sundae. [i didn’t request the sundae…they brought it to me for my bday…i was not about to be rude and turn them away…after all there are starving children in this world so who am I to let food go to waste?!?!]

What a great dinner it was!  I seriously can not recall the last time Karra and I had been together w/out any children. Surely it wasn’t when she was baby shopping prego with Brent??? Was it??? I mean that was 7 years ago! Anyhow we stuffed ourselves with good food and great conversation.

A final shot are the beautiful and cheery flowers Ms. Jocelyn, my daycare princess gave me.  How sweet! They brighten this dreary day! 

Thanks to all the FB well wishes, texts and phone calls.  I’m sure there would have been a few tweets if I were a twitterer but I’m not :)

So here’s to next year!  33.  Never been one for odd numbers.  Have lots of plans to make it a great year full of family, friends & fun…with a bit of working out to reach that goal!

To begin this is not a post about my thighs…as that would not be nearly as cute as this…

For optimal viewing pleasure tilt your head to the left.  Actually just rest your head on your left shoulder. Enjoy watching Isaac perform his most favorite exercise which must be the reason his thighs are so plump…

Me so cuuuute…

I almost hate to rave about how great this unwanted birthday was since my husband was out of town for it. So, to clarify it was great but not great BECAUSE he was out of town. :)

Wow.  There’s no sneeking in a birthday when you have FB!!  I say it was an unwanted bday simply b/c it seems impossible to be 32.  It’s almost as if time froze in my life when I had children.  I still think/mentally feel about 25.  Where did the last 6 years go and why did they take my brain with them??

It was literally 3 weeks ago when I was all bummed b/c I hadn’t been to the gym like I had wanted.  I then decided that my goal was to work really hard over the next year so that when I turned 32 I could say “Wow, this is the best shaped I’ve been in for a long time!”  About 30 seconds later and some quick math I realized- wait I’m 32 in 3 weeks!! AHHHH! So, I guess the goal will be 33.

I remember when I first started teaching the ladies I worked with were about 32.  They had a couple kids.  Seemed…not OLD, but mature.  Looking at them I felt they had it all together. Wiser. Experienced.  Stable.  Assured.  And it definitely felt like it would be a loong time until I reached that age.

Well it wasn’t long.  It was a blink of an eye.  So why is it at 32 that I don’t have it all together.  Do not feel wise on most any thing.  Feel less experienced at some things than even before.  Stable? Assured? Are you kidding me??!!  There are so many things I feel I’m JUST getting started on. Things I’ve yet to learn.  Things that I’m just learning about myself…and/or finally deciding to work on fixing, improving, repairing, or growing.

I think it’s great timing this bday.  It comes at a time where I’ve been lost in many deep thoughts lately.  Situations brought on some by stress, thinking about where I am, who I am and ways in which I need to change.  But instead of just being lost in those thought's I’m in a place of actually planning for change.

Knowing where and WHO to draw my strength from. Seeking the right guidance. Ignoring or at least praying away all the feelings of guilt and sadness.  Not listening to the calls to compare, judge or worry.

Well more on that tomorrow complete with a few shots of my day…but for now it is bed for this old lady.  Soooo sleepy….night!