Future in Government?
Not sure how many of you were aware...and honestly I wasn't even aware until today that my children...YES my precious little Emma and Aidan have a future in working for our government. NOW, I'll attempt to eliminate political controversy by not going into my feelings about my children working for the corrupt government or how I would feel very disappointed that their moral compass was not set straight enough in their upbringing to take them to the point of such employment.
Anywhos… What job might they hold you ask? Based on today's behavior they are in line & all ready equipped with skills to be government operatives. Like CIA, FBI, those folks that have the inside information and missions that no one is supposed to know about. When Bush was needing proof of weapons of mass destruction…all he needed was my children. They can sniff out stuff that they’re not supposed to. They can scope out, seek, find and destroy anything you hope and pray they will avoid. They’re like specialty trained drug dogs, seizure dogs, earthquake dogs, whatever. They have an innate ability to smell out anything with a whiff of Lysol, lemon or Clorox clean and then cover that fresh clean scent with snack residue, urine or any other “non-clean” substance. Negotiating is another skill they possess. They might also be good to work with leaders of other stubborn countries. In their united effort they can make the strongest parent leader contemplate surrender.
Today perhaps could have been a conspiracy between Aidan and Emma, as Aidan was home throughout the day to witness my works…hmm. Ah, yes focus…in an attempt to perhaps look productive after basically a month of doing much of nothing I decided to appear the task master I once considered myself. What grand plans did I have to accomplish that today? Hold on to your seat! I used Clorox wipes to scour the filth in from my hall bath AND picked up the boy’s room clearing off the changing table, putting away some clean clothes and even making Aidan’s bed. Simply tiding up. Wow! You’re impressed aren’t you!?!? Well that was all looking good and in place to begin the “impress Matt with my ambitious Martha Stewart abilities” mission UNTIL my precious angels from God united forces to conspire against my plan.
Emma gets home from school. All is well, catch up on the day, have a snack, and then they decide to “P.L.A.Y”. How in the WHOLE W-I-D-E W.O.R.L.D did they magically decide to play in the 2 rooms I had attempted to clean??? And I don’t just mean play, like with a few toys. I mean- Emma “washed” her hands after snack in the hall bath totally eliminating the appearance of cleanliness and that was right before Aidan walks into the bathroom and pees on the floor. Shooing them on to take care of the pee they head off to the boys’ room. Emma instantly decides to “help” mommy and make Aidan’s bed. (Um..it’s already made, but TRYING to remain a calm mother who ultimately cares much more about her children and their thoughts and feelings of belongingness to the family WAY over the cleanliness of her home I yield let her “help”) Losing track of Aidan I didn’t realize he had gotten back into the bathroom and covered his hands with hand soap. Now, he’s too little to reach the faucet/water to actually wash the soap off. So, lifting him to assist (wait no I’d never do that…I’m not supposed to physically be lifting him!) in washing it all off before it ends up in his eyes. He and I return to boys’ room to find Emma “reorganizing” the clothes in the closet. Wow, well that would only be the clothes I had hung and sorted earlier today. Ugh! Again shooing them from the closet they land over by the book shelf. You guessed it. The one I had just loaded with all the books strewn around the room/hallway earlier. Ok. That is it. I fold. Yield. Surrender.
Off to the basement. There’s always laundry to be done. Emma & Aidan were helpers earlier and took all the dirty laundry down so now all I have to do is sort and load while they read books. Enter laundry room. Find- Aidan’s urine soaked clothing on top of my basket of CLEAN laundry needing fluffed or ironed. AHHHH!
White flag is waving. This war is not mine to fight. I’m out numbered. Matt will be home in minutes and BTW…where is child #3…the new one…. Isaac during all this?
So, like a good wife when I call Matt and let him know it was “his” night to bring dinner. I also fill him in on my lack of accomplishments around the house and Emma and Aidan’s future helping the security and defense of our country.
UPDATE: The dog is in on it too. I’ve waited all day for our darn icemaker to make enough ice for a nice big glass of ice water or ice tea. All my little future government workers in bed I sit down to compute with my glass of ice water and big bowl of cookies & cream ice cream. My fowl mouth (and I mean FOWL you’d rather kiss his “other end”) dog first drinks from my glass and then knocks over the glass spilling my precious ice cubes and water…right down the air conditioner vent. It’s time to call it a night.
Medical Hoopla Update
Original FB Message
I write to you because I'm needing some prayer and as I glance through my FB friends list I see I am wonderfully blessed with friends, family and members of my church body that will assist me. So many of you have been so kind, supportive and caring before, during and since Isaac's arrival and we are so appreciative and blessed to be surrounded by such a caring group!
As some of you know I had a stint of high blood pressure following Aidan's delivery and Isaac's has been no different. A week ago it got high enough they put me on meds. I thought I was feeling better for a day or two and then the pounding/throbbing headache returned which makes sleep almost impossible especially when you factor in the newborn and other 2 night wandering children. I went in for my follow up BP check today and found my BP was higher than before. Thus they doubled my BP meds and gave me another medication to calm my heart rate, bring down my BP and assist in relief from the headache. (the 800 mg motrin and percocet from delivery gave no relief to the headache)
While at the Dr. I also mentioned that I'm experiencing more bleeding after this delivery than with the previous 2. I almost didn't mention it b/c I thought it might be from the BP, or the loss of blood I experienced after the birth OR caused by the strain due to the massive cough/chest congestion with the cold I currently have. I had contacted my OB's nurse today and she shrugged it off and said it could continue for 6 weeks. Well, I'm glad I mentioned it to my family Dr. today. Gals this is prime example on listening to your own body! The Dr. issued a sonogram of my uterus for right then. The radiologist read it immeditatly following the sono. I really thought it was probably a bit overboard and not necessary. Well...the sono shows I have pooling of the blood in the endometrium lining and uterus that is in excess of what I should have 2 weeks following giving birth. SO, they are scheduling me to see my OB on Monday or Tuesday of next week. They said it is a problem that will not fix itself and I will continue to bleed until it's fixed. The only way she really mentioned fixing it (although made it also sound like there's other ways) is a DNC. To be honest the whole idea of that a few weeks after giving birth is frightening to me, plus my sister has had one and had some significant complications so that futhers my fears. I also dread that each week of my maternity "break" from work is filled with Dr. appointments for either me or Isaac. He and I have been to the Dr. 6 times in the last 2 weeks!!! ugh!! And now perhaps a procedure in my future as well!
My mom and dad met us tonight (Fri) to take the older two which is a huge blessing, yet floods me with emotions of guilt and sadness. There were several times after having Aidan and those complications that Emma was shipped here and there. I hoped and prayed this time would be different. I would "know" what I was doing, have a healthy happy baby and we'd enjoy 4-6 weeks at home. Yet all I feel I've done is ship the older 2 off here and there...sometimes overnight sometimes just for the evening. It tears me up. Poor Emma has been through so many changes the past few weeks. Her little emotions are out of wack right along with mommy's. Aidan has not handled Emma being at school very well. I do hope I'll be allowed some time of rest this weekend and I pray the older 2 have a great time with Mimi.
It's interesting how things work. I remember after having Aidan that first night I told Matt how amazing it is that we were blessed with 2 healthy babies. Only then to struggle with minor medical issues and a very fussy Aidan for that first year. After Isaac's arrival we repeated those same words and I shared some of those feelings of amazement and blessings on my blog. And while Isaac is a very healthy little boy, it seems to be mommy's body struggling this time!! I'm trying so hard to focus beyond all my pains and yucky feelings to enjoy each moment of Isaac being tiny and balance time with the other 2, particularly Emma as she starts school. I don't want to dwell where my mind sometimes goes- when my head can take no more and all I hear is the throbbing feeling as though these precious moments are being stolen from me.
So, to wind this down (soooo should have blogged this, but didn't really figure the men friends and family lurking around facebook would want all these girly medical details or read my dumping of emotions!!) some specific things I could use your prayer for...
BP under control
Bleeding to stop, excess blood disappear! Our God CAN do that!!
Chest cold go away!!
The kiddos particularly Emma and Aidan with all the transitions
My attitude, patience and for peace- no more mommy guilt!
Matt- my rock & supporter as he balances work, kiddos and pitiful me!! :)
And to find praise in this situation- even with all these things I am truly blessed. There are plenty of folks out there that have much more serious and major health issues than what I am experiencing.
Congrats if you made it all the way through this!! Thank you girls!! Sorry for the rambling length of this, but I wanted to convey how appreciative I am of your calls, chats & visits of support you have given me, wanted to keep you all up to date and beg of your prayers!!
Thanks again & God bless!
Teresa
Wow...One Month
Things I'm Excited About:
Y Little, Dimpled, Chubby Hands
Y Tiny Hats, Socks & Diapers
Y Seeing Aidan with a baby-he's very sweet toward babies
Y Holding the Baby Burrito
Y Accomplished feeling of Labor/Birth
Y The little newborn cry
Y Already understanding that the love for this child is already there. No fears like when adding the 2nd of "do I have enough love for another child". We sooo do have that love and then some!
Y Bring on the colic, acid reflux, sleepless nights...been there done that and I think I survived with a shred of my sanity!
Y Excited grandparents meeting a new grandbaby.
Y To see how this one will be different from the others.
Y Will it be a boy? A brother for Aidan...another mamas boy, 2 rough and tumble dirt covered boys, 2 Stouts for the Derby Panther defensive line, best of buds and a twosome sure to find trouble, another daddy's helper to help with boards, projects & yard work.
Y Will it be a girl? A lil' sis that will look up to her big sister, more bows lace & ruffles!!, Matt to have 2 daddy's girls to steal his heart (& $$ someday), another sister for Aidan to defend, the sweet, softness and gentleness of a baby girl's cry.
Y Will it have the Matt scowl? Emma had the forehead dimple, Aidan has the eyebrow scowl...
YMy maternity photos!! Although very self conscious, glad I had them done. Anxious to find the time to preview and get some ordered. (Have I mentioned how much I love B&W photos...more forgiving and pleasing to the eye!)
Things I'm
a Don't have a name!!
a I'll never go anywhere with 3! I can't seem to get the other 2 to listen lately...when 2 split different directions, which way do I go and do I leave the baby strapped to the cart?
a Emma starting school at such a transitional point.
a The sleepless nights. Not just the baby, but how the other 2 seem to wake at some point each night...being a night owl and not going to bed until midnight & up at 6 then factor in waking 3-4 times between all the kids. Oh this could be interesting. I apologize in advance for my short fuse and grumpiness!
a Car rides. They used to be the best time for Matt and I to talk. It's gotten
a Recovery, blood pressure/infections, weightloss, convincing Matt to get snipped before we end up preggers again. Cause there will be no more pill poppin' for me! Those pills can keep their 10 lbs!
a A little..not but not as much as with the first- the expense. God provides and we have learned that. But 2 in diapers, formula, shoes x3, activities x3, going out x3, paying a sitter for 3, on & on
a Is this one going to make Aidan my middle and ONLY boy or simply stuck in the middle. (YES I'm a middle child!!)
a Emma's desire to not only hold the baby but carry/stand up holding the baby. Let's take a guess of how many days before baby gets moved to a new location, in some manner by one of the 2 older siblings.
a Better yet...is this the "Final" child God has planned for us...
a Just being honest here...is it really going to be in the last month with my last pregnancy that some shiny little lines are going to start appearing around my belly button...come on now!! 27 months of being pregnant and the final 28th month is going to get me!!
Things I Hope For:
- I hope that I've learned my lesson by now how quickly the time goes and will cherish it a bit more. Slow down. Get out of living the "Motions" (LOVE that song by Matthew West!). Become more intentional about creating memories & spending quality time. I
- I of course hope that the baby sleeps well, cries little and is a baby that is peaceful and happy. But, I also know that I will survive if that doesn't all come true. (Thanks Aidan for teaching mommy!!)
- We'll see if it happens, but I think I'll do better at "memory keeping" for the 3rd than with Aidan. He was such a mess- so is his baby book, 1st year calendar etc. I've since learned simplified methods to maintain all that. I think!
- A smooth transition with the baby, Aidan & Emma adjusting to the change.
- Maybe HOPE isn't the right word. Hope makes it sound as though "I" have a lot more control in what happens than I really do. So, what I know to be true... God has a plan for this baby already. No matter it's gender, health or any other "issues" this child was chosen for us, designed unique with it's days already counted, and blessed with special gifts. So, my hope is to always remember the blessing we've been given and to help guide this child to use his/her special gifts to enrich the lives of others and to serve it's Creator.
Things I Regret...
I hate to even put this "negative" part to a post, but with my personality I have to get this "stuff" down and out of my brain to let go.
r I regret just living the day in and day outs of this pregnancy. I hardly stopped to do the daydreaming and reflection I did with especially Emma. For heaven sakes we don't know what this one is and I've only allowed my brain to invision if our next family photo will be + a girl or a boy a few times.
r I seldom cracked a pregnancy book to find out what was developing this day/week. Where was I when that little bitty heart took it's first beat? When you opened your eyes for the first time? When did you start to recognize voices from "out here"?
r Have I used a calm, peaceful and soft voice since you've been able to hear me...or have you already heard my moments of irritation and frustration?
r I have found myself wishing for the end to get here to meet you, but also to get out of the discomfort I feel. I told myself in the beginning...the 9 months fly by...remember that and keep focused on the prize at the end. Don't feel like I've done that. The discomfort has been so much greater, and the exhaustion with the other 2. Now as the end nears I find myself slamming on the breaks as I don't feel ready. I often think...I could carry on like this a while longer...right??!!
r Not realizing with only 1 how much time I actually did have- until #2 came & now to probably learn that I had a lot more time with 2 than I realized until 3 arrives.
So ONE more month to-
Feel those flutters & kicks. Oh, my ribs!
Let God finish this precious little baby.
Take time to daydream.
Get a few things done to be "ready".
Utilize man-to-man defense.
Attempt to sleep.
Oh, yea...and find a name!
So, boy/girl, bald/hair, happy/fussy, scowl/no scowl, 7lbs or 9lbs we'll know in a month!
Oh NO You DIDN'T!
[Background] So after a long weekend that was exhausting (another blog to come later) I return home, put my feet up for a couple hours and then go to about 10 minutes of Matt's softball game- they kicked hiney so the game ended quickly. Grabbed a snowcone before heading home, bathing kids...yadayadaya bedtime routine. Kids in bed- time to run to Dillons to grab a few things to make it through tomorrow.
My exhausted self enters Dillons
I choose an open check out isle. Put all the items on the belt and begin to enter my Dillons ID number as the cashier- a WOMAN none the less mutters something - my ability to multitask (enter number and listen) has lessened with each child- combine with that preggers brain and the disbelief that surely she didn't say what I thought she did, I kept messing up my code. Anywho's....I finally make the mistake of the night and ask the woman "What?" Convinced that I did NOT, could NOT have heard correctly what she had said the first time...
Me: "What?"
Cashier: "You're looking heavy"
Me: "?????" [confused look of disbelief]
Cashier: "That baby coming any day?? Looks like it's going to be a 'healthy' one! When are you due?"
Me: [smirking] Aug. 13th.
Cashier: "Wow, you still have a while then"
Me: [thanks lady I'm feeling better with each moment I spend with you. YES. 6 1/2 weeks to be exact. holding back kicking her with my swollen foot] "Hahaha...yeah. Trend has been each child is a pound bigger than the previous."
Cashier: "You saved $2.85 today. Take it easy honey"
Me: [no response...the disbelief was wearing off...thoughts of hormone induced violence started setting in so I quickly exited resisting the urge to ram her with my cart or stick my swollen foot anywhere inappropriate]
She didn't?!?! OH YES LADIES SHE DID! A woman actually said to another woman, pregnant none the less- "Looking HEAVY" SERIOUSLY....HEAVY!!! On a day where the aches and pains of pregnancy were wearing on me to the max I encounter the most insulting conversation of all 3 of my pregnancies. I've had MEN speak in a more appropriate fashion.
TOP it all off...I get home to unload groceries...she sacked my bananas with my can of pears. Produce & canned goods??? Who would do that? It's all becoming clear now...
So you might wonder what is my response to such an encounter...hmm... couple options...
#1 I may be HEAVY, but I'm giving birth and will become "lighter". I'd say you can't birth stupidity, but I guess we'd need to ask her mama about that. :)
OR
#2 Give her the benefit of the doubt. It was late and she spoke without thinking...I've been known to maybe do that. Maybe she's never had children. Doesn't understand what it's like to be a waddling, beached whale that is swollen and aches with each movement. Could be the case!!??
Hmm...what do you think? :)
You Had Me With "Heartbeat"
I personally do not agree with what Dr. Tiller did in the lives of women in our nation. Yes, there have probably been women over the years that were raped or babies that were products of incest, but we must all agree the the MAJORITY of abortions performed were women who simply didn't want to have the child. Although I do not agree with his choice of how he used his medical licence he was a husband, he was a father, and he was a grandfather. The acts he performed I consider to be sinful as the God I serve and the Bible I study points to life beginning at conception. HOWEVER, I also believe that the sin I commit daily hurts the heart of God and is considered equal to that of the sin of abortion Drs.
I'm sure the suspect in this case rationalizes his actions. By killing one he feels he saved many babies. But let's face it...Dr. Tiller was not the only abortion Dr. out there. Women who had appointments for tomorrow will be referred on to another Dr. in the area. Abortions will continue. Hopefully we all learn that hatred, violence and killing on either side is not Christ like. Resolves nothing. Divides people even more.
My prayers are with his family & friends. My prayers are also with the past and future patients that have made or are trying to make their "choice".
Time Away From My Babies
Here's the pic of my "babies" as they head off to spend time with Mimi & Papa on Tuesday. After a "scare" with what I think maybe might have been contractions on Sunday my mom a.k.a Mimi offered to take the kiddos for a few days. Still have daycare kiddos during the day, but my evenings can be productive or restful depending on how I feel. Letting them go really is a hard thing for me. There are many days I wish to escape and have a break, but when it comes down to it...it's hard to have them away! Why is that...
Control: I'm the mommy. It's my job. My responsibility- I've chose to keep having more :). They grow so quickly I should cherish each moment and more so WANT each moment with them. Right?!
Guilt: I'm supposed to be there for any need they have. I'm supposed to be there in the night, when they fall or especially when they're naughty!! :) I don't want them to be a burden to anyone else. Guilt that they are gone, Guilt that I'm relieved they're gone! :)
Worry: I know they can be loud & sassy. I worry that we need to get Aidan sleeping better and in his bed. I worry we need to get a better handle on Emma's, shall we say, attitude. How can I do that if I ship them away disrupting their schedules??
More Guilt: My mom is so busy helping others I hate using her summer vacation time...especially when I still have 10 weeks left of this pregnancy and possibly could need her more later on in the summer!
Mixed Emotions: The house is soooo quiet without them. When they're here it's chaos and noise, when they're gone it's great for maybe a day...then it just feels empty.
We met Tuesday evening to have dinner and make the "exchange". I think Mimi & Papa were tired before dinner was over as the kids were super excited and talking a mile a minute. As I watched the green car pull away heading North my heart felt heavy. Emma was a bit unsure about going as she didn't think it was fair that I was going to get a "peace & quiet drive". I assured her she could quiet down and their drive could have peace & quiet too! :) Aidan was unsure too. Pulling my heart strings saying his new favorite phrase "me scared" (as he puts his hands together in front of his chest, under his chin) "Scared Mommy". Awe...he's sooo darn cute! So as you can tell I'm missing them bunches, YET getting soooo much done! I've picked up a few rooms that remain, 24 hours later, STILL picked up. Amazing! Also when I lay my head down on the pillow at night...it stays there until I decide (or my alarm) to lift it up!! No 3 a.m. wake up call from Aidan, no soggy diapers in the night...just sleep.I've balanced the checkbook, paid bills, caught movie & dinner with hubby, gathered my grocery list & coupons, went grocery shopping (at the new Dillons!!) as we were out of EVERYTHING (as in down to condiments!!), cleaned the fridge, picked up, helped...or watched Matt make VBS decorations, loads of laundry and planned preschool VBS lessons. My hopes before they return: finish laundry, complete Daycare State Paperwork, update daycare receipts, clean a bit more- Emma's room, finish bedroom curtains, sort & label pics on the computer, finish VBS planning, start MOPS brainstorming, find the top of the computer desk, and who knows what else I HOPE & DREAM of workin' on!
Distance makes my heart grow fonder. By their return on Saturday my patience account should be filled up and anxious to see them. I'm grateful my mom is so willing to help and give of her time. I pray the time they spend with her will be a memory they hold dear as I do time spent in MO with my Grandma Brennan or on the farm with Grandma Burnett when I was a child.
So ta ta for now...back again when they've returned, I'm exhausted and wishing for my next "break" :)
McDonalds Mommy
I did something yesterday I didn’t even know was possible!! I spent about 20 minutes reading a book and answering questions that talked about my role as mother, where the “me” is in mommy. It’s a book I’m reviewing for my MOPS group. The reading itself was not the surprise task…it was that those 20 minutes in personal reflection about myself made me “think” too much! I think I work better in my survival mode that doesn’t allow time, nor the interest in reflecting on the past or looking toward the future. As with many mom’s that time of reflection can begin with beating yourself up, thinking of all the things I should do, all the things I’ve done “wrong”, etc, etc putting me in a negative mind frame.
Take that mindset on a day where nothing was going as planned anyway. Every activity with the kids lead to a fight. As the day progressed Emma got naughtier by the minute. As each parent picked up she challenged me more and more until I was spent. I was stepping up to the podium to receive my “World’s Worst Mother” award as Matt came home 2 hours earlier than expected!! God is good! Yeah! He came home ready to set more fence posts. The night before the kids “helped” him which involved me attempting to keep them out of the cement and guard the freshly set posts that were all leveled up from the hands of E & A. After how the day had went that simply didn’t sound like something I was ready to do again. It would be an evening of counting down the minutes until bedtime and probably losing my cool using angry words.
AHH…gotta have a plan!! Where’s a mother to go when she needs something her children love with an activity that is safe??? Ugh…I guess… McDonalds!!?? (I’ll spare you the rant I could go on about my mommy guilt that is in overdrive as my kids have eaten there too much the last 2 weeks…) We order a few nuggets and fries (btw they tasted really, really weird) and head to the (germ infested/stinky) play place. My goal was to gain a few minutes of peace as they played together. Little did I know what I’d learn from my dinner out:
- People will actually spank their children for not cuddling them on demand.
- Apparently 2 year olds can be issued probation type tracking ankle bracelet OR the bracelet the child was wearing was a hospital bracelet implying he was recently released from the hospital and is now playing at McDonalds. I’m certain more than ever my kids will be sick within 3 days!!
- The discipline technique of counting to a child…you know it the 1,2,3...you’d better stop…can be carried out in many, many ways. I’ve seen it done where the parent continues counting beyond 3, even had a neighbor back home that would sometimes reach 20!! I’ve seen where you slow down and add in the ½, ¾ to lengthen, or the 1 “you better stop”, 2 “I mean it”, 3 “!#&(&^%$”. But these kids had to be confused. One time they’d get to 3, other times the woman would say “1” and then go get the kid. All the while I could have been “bleeping” most of her words like on a VH1 reality show.
-An 18 month old can climb unassisted into a McDonalds highchair that is on wheels.
- An adult can fit up in the McDonald’s play place.
- Sitting in the play place separated by glass from the main eating area must be what it feels like for the caged animals in the zoo. Everyone watching, staring at the mothers and their wild “cubs”.
- 2 adults and 6 children can fit in a small 4 door sedan “safely”.
McDonalds was just what I needed. A safe…notice I did not say healthy…place for my kids to run. Downtime for my brain. I’m not here to say I have the parenting thing perfected. FAR from it, but sometimes watching others can make you appreciate your situation. What you learn from others can pull you out of your pity party. When we packed up to go we left all the stress and tension we walked in with. I had gotten my bit of time where the kids played, smiled, climbed on the equipment so excited to wave and say Hi or Bye mommy as they came and went. The kids had a dinner they LOVE and got to play without interruption from their grouchy mother.
I was then blessed with a trip to Wal-mart w/out kids (thanks Shonda!) to grab a few things…the day definitely ended on a great note!! Now for today…. :)
Interesting Timing...
In my thinking and researching the topic of forgiveness I found interesting answers at http://www.gotquestions.org/. It's a site that you can search topical questions and the answers are given according to what the Bible says. Disclaimer: I've NOT done massive research into the site to assure it completely aligns with all my beliefs, but the verses shared on my searches seemed to be very good.
It was interesting to me how issues with forgiveness seem to be all around me, yet I wasn't personally struggling with forgiveness issues of my own. Until.......of course! God has interesting timing. I wish I had blogged my thoughts earlier in the week because then I could have looked back at what my thoughts were on the subject PRIOR to my "moment" of drama this week.
What I've "learned" about forgiveness:
1. You forgive for yourself- to set yourself free.
2. Forgiveness makes me feel exposed, vulnerable and open to another "attack".
3. Forgiveness is easier to do if the "offender" comes seeking it or if there's a perceived chance that the person will change! Duh!
4. You can't go through the Express Forgiveness Checkout Lane. It's not a one time deal. Forgiving someone can take multiple attempts and sometimes only happens over a period of time.
5. "Forgive & Forget" is not really realistic. Forgiving is achievable yes and should be done over and over again, forgetting not so much. When forgiving someone you should continue on toward the future leaving the "offense" in the past. You can't erase the event, but should make a constant effort to leave it behind. God grants us full forgiveness from our sins and doesn't keep account- leaving it in our past. (Hebrews 8:12) Can you imagine? We seek his repentance, He forgives us full well knowing not only if, but when we'll sin again!! And to think I forgive, yet worry about future "attacks"!!??
6. Pray. Pray for the "offender". (Matthew 5:44) Pray for your own heart. It's only by the power of the Holy Spirit that our heart can be changed to consider others as worth of the love and compassion that we ourselves have been granted.
In closing: Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. Ephesians 4:32 (NIV)
So there's my random thoughts on my "lesson" this week. Hopefully documenting this will help me one day down the road when I'm struggling...