Amongst the craziness that has been life here lately we did remember to celebrate the bestest event ever!!! Our favorite Bday!!  Here’s his sugar overload cake…

…and yes.  That is a votive candle.  It’s what Megan had and well…..we didn’t have thousands of candles laying around.

Matt served several services Thursday and Friday at church.  Saturday I served and then we attended service for Christmas Eve.  A bit strange to not have service on Sunday, but I guess it’s not all about Sunday….but each and everyday. So here they are after evening church.  2 out of 3 are excited at least…

drinking Santa’s chocolate milk and eating one of his cookies made it all better…

Emma left her annual note for Mr. C…

Emma was a good girl!! Her reaction to meeting the 3 new members of the Stout family.

Aidan’s favorite- Hotwheels Wall Tracks.  It is very cool.  He loved it…until Gma & Papa brought their gift…a megazord.

Isaac most super excited about the 10 cent dinosaur Sissy got him at her school store. Go figure.

A close up of the Stout family school of fish. RIP “Blackie”.  The sleigh ride took it’s toll on you, but luckily our new “Blackie” from Walmart is still afloat.

I got Matt some new cloths, a new book in his series and a Facebook gift card.  Yes the very site he calls “from the devil” that I use for FREE he requested a gift card for.  So FYI if you see that I’m playing some Dragon game….I am not. HE is, but I am NOT. Haha!

Matt got me a electric lap blanket.  Guessing that might come in handy in GA!  Also got some nice baskets that so happen to be filled with TONS of different chocolates! Yum!

Christmas night we went to the neighbors for pizza.  The kids played with new toys and the neighbors new Wii.  Us adults played Outburst…the guys may or may not have stomped Megan and I…why can I not retain movie/actor/actress trivia like my husband!?!?!  It was a good time!!

The next day Gma & Papa Stout arrived from KS.  Not sure I have too many pics from their visit.  We worked them to the bone getting our house ready to list and then ditched them for a week to house hunt.  So thankful for their help!!  Will try to post more on their visit later…

It was a nice day.  Great time spent with friends and and awesome service at church.  But a cloud of sadness was in the air.  Our last Christmas in AZ.  No warm weather holiday traditions to continue.

Where did the last three weeks go?  I’m constantly having to remind myself today that Emma has school tomorrow.  Being gone all last week and Christmas break before that I don’t know what day of the week it is and with “season-less” AZ there are times I don’t even know the time of year!

I should have been prepared for the craziness that was going to follow our decision to relocate.  It snowballed so quickly this time.  I feel like I haven’t talked to some friends in forever.  Feel disconnected from visiting with my family.  Barely even seen the neighbor I hung out with several times a week. Behind on so many blog posts.  Given little thought to my upcoming trip to KS to scrap with friends.  One of my favorite events of the year.

It’s all a blur.  I kind of want to escape back to the life “before”. So sad today to realize that it could be very likely that we only have a few more weeks left at our church.  We only have next week together as a family before Matt starts traveling, then the kids and I are in KS and then very possible that the movers will be here.

That timing is all dependent on all the house mess. 

Two possibly 3 offers on AZ home.  Plus all the people we witnessed pulling flyers today…may get more calls tomorrow.  Sounds like a good problem, but there’s such a mess on the declining value in the home.  It’s just money right?  Can’t take it with you.

Then there’s the GA house.  All we want from the owners is a full disclosure on what they are removing from the property.  After knowing the housing market of short sales & foreclosures in AZ and now GA one can NOT assume that “normal” things are remaining in the home.  They are being very vague in what they are taking.  Apparently the bank allows them to take any and all things they wish. We aren’t necessarily demanding they leave certain things, we ARE simply asking for a clear list of what they are taking so we are aware of the funds needed to replace items. I understand the frustration they must feel toward the bank, but they must remember WE aren’t taking the house from them. WE aren’t the enemy. We simply need to know the financial obligation we will have to replace & install items they chose to take.  We consider that being financially responsible. We had a good “feeling” about the house and working with the owners. Pray we are right.

It is bitter for us to go into a home that will already need many things replace/repaired as well b/c we already replaced LOTS in our AZ home due to mad owners stripping it as it went to foreclosure.  We are leaving behind those things we installed (every.last.appliance, all mini blinds, curtain rods, curtains, etc) b/c we think that they are normal things to be left.  Plus we are forced to leave as much as we can to attract buyers and retain value in our home.  Such a double edge sword. Praying someday we can buy a home where we feel we are getting the complete package of a home presented to sell by proud owners who are leaving the home in condition as we have so recently left 2 of our houses.

Wish I had blogged my feelings last Tues/Wed when we were in the lowest of lows.  Low b/c of our lack of success in home finding in GA, bad news on the appraisal in AZ and some discouraging news on the timing of our move and timing of some other QT job positions closer to home.

Wish I had put in writing the words and thoughts that helped me pull myself out of that rut. To use as a reminder to myself. I thought something.  Had a revelation of some sort.  What ever it was helped me support Matt.  I came to grips that the timing is not for me to know or understand.  I believe that the job is still the right position for Matt.  Despite all the housing mess, loss of money and stress I believe it’s the right thing.  But very much NOT an easy thing.

Even went so far as to say that even if the ONE house we found didn’t work out that I had a good feeling and faith that something would come about. I believed it.  I really did feel it.

But now there are so many questions.  So many things I don’t understand about the real estate process.  So many figures, offers and different scenarios to consider each with a different set of consequences.  So much that I feel my brain might explode. If there was a chicken exit I’d take it.  If I could jump and had a parachute to land me to a place of safety I’d jump. If I could phone home, click my heels or transport to the future I would. (Matt would be proud of my movie references here!)

All of a sudden my desire for control and comfort is creeping up and taking me over.  But then the truth seeps in.  The realist side of me that knows life is not about my comfort.  If I only seek what is comfortable and all things I can control I am not living as He would have me live.  How does it  reflect on my life if I stand before Him some day and can’t recall times in my life where I fully stepped out on faith.  Fully relied on Him to work out large and small details of my life and then give Him the glory for such works. Why can’t I recall all those feelings of doubt I had when we left KS a short 18 months ago and then look now to see how perfectly God worked everything out.  He provided us a church we love.  Friends and neighbors so friendly, helpful and caring.  He did all of this in a very short time span.  I opened my heart, connected with others only to leave.  Why then do I allow doubt in my life?  Almost like I question if He will provide all of this for us yet again. Silly me.

I beat myself up when I start to let the perfectionist control freak in me behave in ways that make me appear unfaithful and doubtful.  WHY does it have to be a cycle?  Why can’t I break it?  In a weeks time I go from extreme doubt, up out of the slump, praising Him only to allow stress to compile and fall right back into it again. Right back to being short.  Grouch with the kids.  Unable to swallow b/c I feel I could throw up at any moment.

This is all random.  My least edited post ever.  A long winded and probably repetitive, verbal up-chuck of a post.  But a post for me.  To try to get it all out of my head.  Off my shoulders and released to hopefully find rest tonight.