You Had Me With "Heartbeat"
I personally do not agree with what Dr. Tiller did in the lives of women in our nation. Yes, there have probably been women over the years that were raped or babies that were products of incest, but we must all agree the the MAJORITY of abortions performed were women who simply didn't want to have the child. Although I do not agree with his choice of how he used his medical licence he was a husband, he was a father, and he was a grandfather. The acts he performed I consider to be sinful as the God I serve and the Bible I study points to life beginning at conception. HOWEVER, I also believe that the sin I commit daily hurts the heart of God and is considered equal to that of the sin of abortion Drs.
I'm sure the suspect in this case rationalizes his actions. By killing one he feels he saved many babies. But let's face it...Dr. Tiller was not the only abortion Dr. out there. Women who had appointments for tomorrow will be referred on to another Dr. in the area. Abortions will continue. Hopefully we all learn that hatred, violence and killing on either side is not Christ like. Resolves nothing. Divides people even more.
My prayers are with his family & friends. My prayers are also with the past and future patients that have made or are trying to make their "choice".
Thoughts on Sprout
I had a weird spell on Sunday evening that MAY have been the lil' Sprout giving me some cues about something. I tend to probably under-react when it comes to calling the Dr. about such things. Hate getting the run around and tone of "calm down crazy prego lady". But I must admit some of the various things I was feeling then have been on and off ever since. Cramping...like menstrual and then some tightening from the underneath-around-to the top of my belly, feeling "hot" on my face, circulation issues in my legs particularly left leg, shortness of breath, heart seems to race....who knows.
Called the Dr. today and they said sounds as if it's a mixture of Braxton Hicks and regular contractions. They told me if it happens again to do what I expected...take Benadryl and lay down. If contractions do NOT stop that is reason for concern. Although it's slightly concerning to me anyway as I didn't have a single contraction even Braxton Hicks with the other 2 until it was "time".
Names. UGH! Do we have to name the child!?!? Matt and I have had 2 "dates" in the last week that gave me the opportunity to bug him about names...especially girl names. He's adamantly AGAINST the name that I'm lovin' the most. I will say it's hard as there are girl names we toss around with family significance, others go with our weird vowel pattern thing we have going on, then there are just random names that come to us. It was my goal to have a name by March 31st...that obviously was not met. I keep thinking I might be able to sway him...but not so sure. He's pretty determined. Some of the names in no particular order: Leah, Lindsey, Clara or Claire, Ivy, Isabel, Joy...I'm sure there's more... I've so got the girl feeling, yet we have boy names narrowed down to 2! Go figure!
Perhaps the sweetest development with the Stout Sprout is hiccups!! So sweet to feel that rhythmic pattern!! Of course baby doesn't seem to like it too much. Shortly after hiccups begin so does the flopping and kicking in protest!
I've had a dream recently that worries me a bit. It's been my fear that after now having 2 natural deliveries that for some odd reason this one will end up in a C section. Not that C sections are the end of the world, bad or anything...but on the 3rd and final it would be nice to have things be what I'm "used" to. And to be honest I found delivery (with Aidan) to be exhilarating. Emma not so much...but with Aidan it was like I "got it". Had that "I CAN DO IT!" high. My other concern on a C section is kinda missing those after delivery moments of holding the fresh new baby wrapped up like a baby burrito snug and tight in the hospital blanket. Back in February I was at a scrappin' crop scrapbooking Aidan's birth. Seeing him all wrapped up and in my arms made my arms ACHE for that feeling again. My arms get weak just thinking about it!! So my consistent prayer as of late has been for this baby to be in position and health for me and baby so that a natural delivery can occur and my arms can be filled with that fresh baby burrito! Ahhh....I can hardly wait!!!
Only 10 weeks and 6 days left (I hope!) to get sooo much done...
Time Away From My Babies
Here's the pic of my "babies" as they head off to spend time with Mimi & Papa on Tuesday. After a "scare" with what I think maybe might have been contractions on Sunday my mom a.k.a Mimi offered to take the kiddos for a few days. Still have daycare kiddos during the day, but my evenings can be productive or restful depending on how I feel. Letting them go really is a hard thing for me. There are many days I wish to escape and have a break, but when it comes down to it...it's hard to have them away! Why is that...
Control: I'm the mommy. It's my job. My responsibility- I've chose to keep having more :). They grow so quickly I should cherish each moment and more so WANT each moment with them. Right?!
Guilt: I'm supposed to be there for any need they have. I'm supposed to be there in the night, when they fall or especially when they're naughty!! :) I don't want them to be a burden to anyone else. Guilt that they are gone, Guilt that I'm relieved they're gone! :)
Worry: I know they can be loud & sassy. I worry that we need to get Aidan sleeping better and in his bed. I worry we need to get a better handle on Emma's, shall we say, attitude. How can I do that if I ship them away disrupting their schedules??
More Guilt: My mom is so busy helping others I hate using her summer vacation time...especially when I still have 10 weeks left of this pregnancy and possibly could need her more later on in the summer!
Mixed Emotions: The house is soooo quiet without them. When they're here it's chaos and noise, when they're gone it's great for maybe a day...then it just feels empty.
We met Tuesday evening to have dinner and make the "exchange". I think Mimi & Papa were tired before dinner was over as the kids were super excited and talking a mile a minute. As I watched the green car pull away heading North my heart felt heavy. Emma was a bit unsure about going as she didn't think it was fair that I was going to get a "peace & quiet drive". I assured her she could quiet down and their drive could have peace & quiet too! :) Aidan was unsure too. Pulling my heart strings saying his new favorite phrase "me scared" (as he puts his hands together in front of his chest, under his chin) "Scared Mommy". Awe...he's sooo darn cute! So as you can tell I'm missing them bunches, YET getting soooo much done! I've picked up a few rooms that remain, 24 hours later, STILL picked up. Amazing! Also when I lay my head down on the pillow at night...it stays there until I decide (or my alarm) to lift it up!! No 3 a.m. wake up call from Aidan, no soggy diapers in the night...just sleep.I've balanced the checkbook, paid bills, caught movie & dinner with hubby, gathered my grocery list & coupons, went grocery shopping (at the new Dillons!!) as we were out of EVERYTHING (as in down to condiments!!), cleaned the fridge, picked up, helped...or watched Matt make VBS decorations, loads of laundry and planned preschool VBS lessons. My hopes before they return: finish laundry, complete Daycare State Paperwork, update daycare receipts, clean a bit more- Emma's room, finish bedroom curtains, sort & label pics on the computer, finish VBS planning, start MOPS brainstorming, find the top of the computer desk, and who knows what else I HOPE & DREAM of workin' on!
Distance makes my heart grow fonder. By their return on Saturday my patience account should be filled up and anxious to see them. I'm grateful my mom is so willing to help and give of her time. I pray the time they spend with her will be a memory they hold dear as I do time spent in MO with my Grandma Brennan or on the farm with Grandma Burnett when I was a child.
So ta ta for now...back again when they've returned, I'm exhausted and wishing for my next "break" :)
McDonalds Mommy
I did something yesterday I didn’t even know was possible!! I spent about 20 minutes reading a book and answering questions that talked about my role as mother, where the “me” is in mommy. It’s a book I’m reviewing for my MOPS group. The reading itself was not the surprise task…it was that those 20 minutes in personal reflection about myself made me “think” too much! I think I work better in my survival mode that doesn’t allow time, nor the interest in reflecting on the past or looking toward the future. As with many mom’s that time of reflection can begin with beating yourself up, thinking of all the things I should do, all the things I’ve done “wrong”, etc, etc putting me in a negative mind frame.
Take that mindset on a day where nothing was going as planned anyway. Every activity with the kids lead to a fight. As the day progressed Emma got naughtier by the minute. As each parent picked up she challenged me more and more until I was spent. I was stepping up to the podium to receive my “World’s Worst Mother” award as Matt came home 2 hours earlier than expected!! God is good! Yeah! He came home ready to set more fence posts. The night before the kids “helped” him which involved me attempting to keep them out of the cement and guard the freshly set posts that were all leveled up from the hands of E & A. After how the day had went that simply didn’t sound like something I was ready to do again. It would be an evening of counting down the minutes until bedtime and probably losing my cool using angry words.
AHH…gotta have a plan!! Where’s a mother to go when she needs something her children love with an activity that is safe??? Ugh…I guess… McDonalds!!?? (I’ll spare you the rant I could go on about my mommy guilt that is in overdrive as my kids have eaten there too much the last 2 weeks…) We order a few nuggets and fries (btw they tasted really, really weird) and head to the (germ infested/stinky) play place. My goal was to gain a few minutes of peace as they played together. Little did I know what I’d learn from my dinner out:
- People will actually spank their children for not cuddling them on demand.
- Apparently 2 year olds can be issued probation type tracking ankle bracelet OR the bracelet the child was wearing was a hospital bracelet implying he was recently released from the hospital and is now playing at McDonalds. I’m certain more than ever my kids will be sick within 3 days!!
- The discipline technique of counting to a child…you know it the 1,2,3...you’d better stop…can be carried out in many, many ways. I’ve seen it done where the parent continues counting beyond 3, even had a neighbor back home that would sometimes reach 20!! I’ve seen where you slow down and add in the ½, ¾ to lengthen, or the 1 “you better stop”, 2 “I mean it”, 3 “!#&(&^%$”. But these kids had to be confused. One time they’d get to 3, other times the woman would say “1” and then go get the kid. All the while I could have been “bleeping” most of her words like on a VH1 reality show.
-An 18 month old can climb unassisted into a McDonalds highchair that is on wheels.
- An adult can fit up in the McDonald’s play place.
- Sitting in the play place separated by glass from the main eating area must be what it feels like for the caged animals in the zoo. Everyone watching, staring at the mothers and their wild “cubs”.
- 2 adults and 6 children can fit in a small 4 door sedan “safely”.
McDonalds was just what I needed. A safe…notice I did not say healthy…place for my kids to run. Downtime for my brain. I’m not here to say I have the parenting thing perfected. FAR from it, but sometimes watching others can make you appreciate your situation. What you learn from others can pull you out of your pity party. When we packed up to go we left all the stress and tension we walked in with. I had gotten my bit of time where the kids played, smiled, climbed on the equipment so excited to wave and say Hi or Bye mommy as they came and went. The kids had a dinner they LOVE and got to play without interruption from their grouchy mother.
I was then blessed with a trip to Wal-mart w/out kids (thanks Shonda!) to grab a few things…the day definitely ended on a great note!! Now for today…. :)
Stout Sprout, Middle Sprout & Big Sprout
PT is going great! I must admit I was highly doubtful it would be worth all my time going and $$ for sitters, but I must confess...my back is feeling great! At first the pain only went away for a day or so and by the time for my next appt the pain was back. BUT yesterday I strolled in happy to report my back & sciatica was great!! As typical for me one problem gone leads to another. The lovely hernia I've had (& PT was supposed to be helping too) has now lead to my most recent discovery yesterday...varicose veins. I'll spare anymore details in case a male from my fam ventures on to the site ;)
As for Middle Sprout he had his 2 year check up today. Or his 2 year weigh in as we were calling it. His nicknames of "Chunky Monkey" and "Big Guy" describe him well and then I must admit in the depths of my heart worry me. Makes me wonder as a mom if I should have been feeding him differently or if there's something I've done to contribute to his size. Once the nurse measured him it put me at ease a bit. He was 36 in. tall and 34 lbs. So at least he's not a square!! That put him in about the 90 percentile for both. Better in my mind than 90th for weight and 30th for height!! The Dr. said if he continued to grow at that rate he could be 6'3" tall. Wow that would please daddy and make a great defensive lineman for football! Hehehe! He got his shots like a tropper and off we went. We celebrated his birthday with a family party last Saturday afternoon. It turned out to be a beautiful day great for the kids to play on the new play set AND we put the men to work digging post holes for our new fence!! The theme was Thomas and my friend Karra (great cake baker for anyone in need of a cake...) made his AWESOME train cake!! Aidan was showered with toys particularly in the kind with wheels!! Sum total of wheels on all his birthday gifts...62!!! He got an outfit, Tball set, shovels, water guns and a cars plate/bowl/cup set too!
Blowin' out the candles-
Most of the gifts...62 wheels and all!
Yesterday Matt & I attended Emma's preschool graduation. It was also affectionately called the Preschool Olympic Ceremony. I was running a few minutes late so I missed the fighter jet fly over. Ok really, no there wasn't a fly over, BUT this was quite the event! I'm all about making it a special day for my child...and it was. However, the mainly 1 woman show this became was nuts. The music and "readings" by the children- cute. The children walking up and down little steps to receive diploma- cute. Sharing the answers to the questions they asked our children- cute. The 2 page poem written to the teacher about the children of the mom aka graduation natzi- ok whatever. BUT the toast that involved preschoolers with champagne glasses- not so cute. Simply not what I expected to happen at my 5 year olds graduation at a christian preschool!! Emma did not partake and was the only child that didn't do so. Call us crazy parents. Maybe we're a bit fanatical. Who knows- Emma will maybe be a wino later in life and this time of us standing on our principles meant nothing. It just felt wrong. Highschools don't allow goblets at proms anymore b/c it could appear to promote drinking. This wouldn't have been done at a 8th grade graduation either b/c of the same reason. But it's ok for preschoolers? The church and school is a different denomination than the church we attend, so I'm not sure if that is how this came about, or I question if the leaders of the church and school were even aware. I do want to add that I like her teacher and believe that this spun out of control by a mother who was struggling with the fact that her "baby" was graduating preschool. So- you tell me. Were we crazy to feel the way we did??
Graduate Emma
Throwing of the Hats
Teacher Ms. Herman & Emma
Enough on that rant- although I could go on!! We learned that her favorite part of preschool was playing with blocks and she wants to be a cooker when she grows up. She was adorable singing and said her part loud and clear. Emma looked beautiful in her "handprint" t-shirt she had made and I sported my matching handprint t-shirt she made me for Mother's Day...oh yes...cute...photo evidence below...placement of a few handprints were..umm..interesting! :)
I think it's so cute how she's holding her tummy in this picture!! We treated Emma to lunch after graduation and then headed home for her to dive into the treat bag she got.
Stout Recreation Center
A closer look. The lookout tower on the top is a fav, complete with telescope. Aidan and Emma love the glider as well. Emma can spend hours swinging while Aidan burns up the ladder and slide!
Still bunches to do. Post holes are dug for the privacy fence that will run along the right side of the photo. A retaining wall will be build around the play area to hold in the 15 tons of pea gravel we're ordering. Matt is building benches for my lazy rump to rest on and a built in toy box for all the outdoor toys. Then the fun REALLY begins as I get to do landscaping I've been waiting for the last couple years. Yeah! So, excited! Problem is we gotta get this done in the next few weeks before I'm too round to get on the ground! So, come one, come all and play with us!! (One draw back...for those of us fair skinned folks...the mature shade trees are NOT in place...bring sunblock!) Will post more when totally complete!!How'd that happen?
Mother's Day Weekend
Saturday started with an early Mother's Day gift (Emma's idea) of breakfast in bed. Now before you picture the breakfast tray with flowers, french toast sprinkled with powdered sugar and covered in warm syrup, fresh berries & sparkling juice - remember this was a 5 year olds idea carried out by a daddy who likes to sleep in!! So, here's what it was...Cocoa Crispies in a rubbermaid bowl, chocolate milk and served on a plate. So thoughtful and it was quite good! A bit difficult to eat with 2 kids in bed with me however! :) Breakfast was quick to end with more work on the swingset, baked 6 dozen cookies for a church event, squeezed in a pedicure then off to the church to work in my Sunday school room for the Open House at 6:30. Great evening ending with our first accident with Aidan that resulted in a decent amount of blood. He was running with a toy, fell down and bit through his lip. Yes folks...the tooth was through the underneath side of his lip. Oh, so much fun! You can see the "exit" wound beneath his smile...he's so tough!
Sunday was my first Sunday to teach the 9 a.m. Sunday school so we were off early to attempt to make it on time. After church we went out to dinner with Matt's fam to Luciano's in Mulvane. Perhaps the best ever authentic Italian food you'll find in a very quaint location!! Yummo! Which brings me to now. Home...in silence. Yes, no TV, no radio, I can hear my refrigerator running. Ahh...tis beautiful! Aidan is resting (for hopefully the next 2 hours) Matt took Em to a movie...perhaps Xmen...her choice. They are SUCH movie buffs! Hopefully the rain will continue to hold off, dry up and give Matt a chance to continue work on the "Stout Recreation Center" tomorrow as he has it off too. (He took a 4 day weekend for Mother's day!?!?!)Tryin' to get the project done before Aidan's bday next weekend!
Pics from today - Stout Mamas - Myself, Emma, Shelly, Peggy, Libby & Mandy:
Hope all you mommies out there had a great weekend!
Janet Joyce
This weekend marks the anniversary of losing my Grandma Brennan. Janet Joyce passed in May ‘93 which upon thinking about it seems in some ways like yesterday and then again seems so long ago. Reflecting on it made me realize she’s now been gone longer than I ever knew her. I was 15 when she died and I’m now 31. For some reason that was a mind boggling realization for me.
Things I remember about my grandma:
- Spending the summers at her home in the Ozarks. Swimming in the pool for hours each day, followed by awesome dinners…I especially remember mashed potatoes & corn! Yum!
- I remember sometimes going to Silver Dollar City with her, but recall she did not like going into Branson so much. Although one time we did her car overheated and that was a crazy traffic mess!
- Summer evenings included roasting marshmallows in what seemed like a nightly bond fire.
- Learning to paint. She was a great painter. I have a sunset painting she did with me. I treasure it!
- She liked to sleep in each morning. Often times I was up and Grandpa was off to town to make his rounds and get the mail before she would emerge always starting her day with a Pepsi! J
- She was in a “club” with other women in town. Sometimes during the summer I would get to tag along to their luncheons and club meetings.
- She once assured me that “someday” I would get older and get “curves”. Boy was she right!
- For a mother of 8 and grandmother to many she seemed to really enjoy having family around. Her and my Grandpa John seemed very much in love. He always gave me the impression of caring greatly for her and being her protector. I suppose to be true- There was a 14 year age difference!!
- I remember how she seemed so young. And she was. She died at a very young age of 54. She would only be 70 today if she were still with us. Oh, how differently things could be if she were still here…
- I’ll never forget the experience that surrounded her death- I haven't shared this with many and caution this may seem weird to you. I was home alone. Mom was in Missouri with my Grandparents. Honestly I can’t remember where my siblings or dad were. But I was working on a Home Ec sewing project. I remember feeling very odd feeling like someone/thing was with me in the room. I was sitting in the SE corner of my moms room at the sewing machine. There appeared to be something in the NE corner of the room. If I recall there was like a boxed area on the ceiling in that corner this, vision if you may, was up, not exactly on the ground. It was a weird sense of peace, like a goodbye. Within minutes the phone rang. I answered and I could tell what had happened and that my mom didn’t want to tell me since I was home alone. I later found out she had called to say Grandma had passed. But I already knew…
Those are the memories of my Grandma Janet as I recall.
This Week...
Aidan is in the trenches of potty training. Maybe 45% due to his interest...OK his willingness and 55% due to his large thighs and bottom that makes the largest size pull ups and diapers much to small to contain the massive amount he outputs. Depends is our next option! J He’s very willing to sit on the potty and has become proficient at peeing on cheerios while standing at the potty. On one occasion he has went into the bathroom and started to go himself, however within an hour after that he had 2 accidents! So frustrating! I know he’s a bit young and we’re doing everything possible to not make it traumatizing. Unfortunately my physical condition makes it much harder for me to stoop, bend and lift him and shortens my patience dramatically. Next weeks goal is getting his 2nd Birthday planned!
The Stout Sprout has officially been in the oven for 25 weeks…leaves me with ONLY 15 to go…makes me want to go nest and scrub something…or perhaps…PICK A NAME! I started PT this week. I had really contemplated going the chiro route, but decided to give PT a try. It had been suggested with Aidan’s pregnancy, but didn’t feel I had the time to make all the appointments. Well- not that I have more time now, but the pain is bad enough. I hate feeling that I’m a whiner. Going to PT makes me feel like I’ve failed at sucking it up and dealing with pregnancy “side effects”. The first 24 hours after treatment went great…then the pain came back. So, I go 4 times in the next 2 weeks and hope to find relief. Perhaps at least the ability to sleep at night. The combo of LITTLE sleep and constant pain has taken it’s toll on me and the unfortunate folks around me! Stout Sprout is an active one. Especially likes to wake up about 10 p.m., once the house is quiet. We’re still working on names. It was my March goal!! We’ve narrowed down (I think) to 2 boy names and the girl names are no where close. Means it’s probably a girl!
Hope you had a great week!