Thursday, March 11, 2010


I almost hate to rave about how great this unwanted birthday was since my husband was out of town for it. So, to clarify it was great but not great BECAUSE he was out of town. :)

Wow.  There’s no sneeking in a birthday when you have FB!!  I say it was an unwanted bday simply b/c it seems impossible to be 32.  It’s almost as if time froze in my life when I had children.  I still think/mentally feel about 25.  Where did the last 6 years go and why did they take my brain with them??

It was literally 3 weeks ago when I was all bummed b/c I hadn’t been to the gym like I had wanted.  I then decided that my goal was to work really hard over the next year so that when I turned 32 I could say “Wow, this is the best shaped I’ve been in for a long time!”  About 30 seconds later and some quick math I realized- wait I’m 32 in 3 weeks!! AHHHH! So, I guess the goal will be 33.

I remember when I first started teaching the ladies I worked with were about 32.  They had a couple kids.  Seemed…not OLD, but mature.  Looking at them I felt they had it all together. Wiser. Experienced.  Stable.  Assured.  And it definitely felt like it would be a loong time until I reached that age.

Well it wasn’t long.  It was a blink of an eye.  So why is it at 32 that I don’t have it all together.  Do not feel wise on most any thing.  Feel less experienced at some things than even before.  Stable? Assured? Are you kidding me??!!  There are so many things I feel I’m JUST getting started on. Things I’ve yet to learn.  Things that I’m just learning about myself…and/or finally deciding to work on fixing, improving, repairing, or growing.

I think it’s great timing this bday.  It comes at a time where I’ve been lost in many deep thoughts lately.  Situations brought on some by stress, thinking about where I am, who I am and ways in which I need to change.  But instead of just being lost in those thought's I’m in a place of actually planning for change.

Knowing where and WHO to draw my strength from. Seeking the right guidance. Ignoring or at least praying away all the feelings of guilt and sadness.  Not listening to the calls to compare, judge or worry.

Well more on that tomorrow complete with a few shots of my day…but for now it is bed for this old lady.  Soooo sleepy….night!


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