Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Wow...One Month

With only a month left in this pregnancy I wanted to record some of my thoughts before (I fear know) my time for reflection and blogging is lessened!! So here it goes...the things I'm excited & nervous about and things I hope for and already regret.

Things I'm Excited About:
Y Little, Dimpled, Chubby Hands
Y Tiny Hats, Socks & Diapers
Y Seeing Aidan with a baby-he's very sweet toward babies
Y Holding the Baby Burrito
Y Accomplished feeling of Labor/Birth
Y The little newborn cry
Y Already understanding that the love for this child is already there. No fears like when adding the 2nd of "do I have enough love for another child". We sooo do have that love and then some!
Y Bring on the colic, acid reflux, sleepless nights...been there done that and I think I survived with a shred of my sanity!
Y Excited grandparents meeting a new grandbaby.
Y To see how this one will be different from the others.
Y Will it be a boy? A brother for Aidan...another mamas boy, 2 rough and tumble dirt covered boys, 2 Stouts for the Derby Panther defensive line, best of buds and a twosome sure to find trouble, another daddy's helper to help with boards, projects & yard work.
Y Will it be a girl? A lil' sis that will look up to her big sister, more bows lace & ruffles!!, Matt to have 2 daddy's girls to steal his heart (& $$ someday), another sister for Aidan to defend, the sweet, softness and gentleness of a baby girl's cry.
Y Will it have the Matt scowl? Emma had the forehead dimple, Aidan has the eyebrow scowl...
YMy maternity photos!! Although very self conscious, glad I had them done. Anxious to find the time to preview and get some ordered. (Have I mentioned how much I love B&W photos...more forgiving and pleasing to the eye!)

Things I'm Nervous Terrified About:
a Don't have a name!!
a I'll never go anywhere with 3! I can't seem to get the other 2 to listen lately...when 2 split different directions, which way do I go and do I leave the baby strapped to the cart?
a Emma starting school at such a transitional point.
a The sleepless nights. Not just the baby, but how the other 2 seem to wake at some point each night...being a night owl and not going to bed until midnight & up at 6 then factor in waking 3-4 times between all the kids. Oh this could be interesting. I apologize in advance for my short fuse and grumpiness!
a Car rides. They used to be the best time for Matt and I to talk. It's gotten harder impossible with the addition of each child. Emma talks non-stop, Aidan is either very excited naming EVERYTHING he sees OR is screeching, now add an infant. We will end up in a ditch or perhaps buy those ear phones motorcycle riders use. Blocks out road kid noise, but has a mic for us to talk!
a Recovery, blood pressure/infections, weightloss, convincing Matt to get snipped before we end up preggers again. Cause there will be no more pill poppin' for me! Those pills can keep their 10 lbs!
a A little..not but not as much as with the first- the expense. God provides and we have learned that. But 2 in diapers, formula, shoes x3, activities x3, going out x3, paying a sitter for 3, on & on

a Is this one going to make Aidan my middle and ONLY boy or simply stuck in the middle. (YES I'm a middle child!!)
a Emma's desire to not only hold the baby but carry/stand up holding the baby. Let's take a guess of how many days before baby gets moved to a new location, in some manner by one of the 2 older siblings.
a Better this the "Final" child God has planned for us...

a Just being honest it really going to be in the last month with my last pregnancy that some shiny little lines are going to start appearing around my belly button...come on now!! 27 months of being pregnant and the final 28th month is going to get me!!

Things I Hope For:
- I hope that I've learned my lesson by now how quickly the time goes and will cherish it a bit more. Slow down. Get out of living the "Motions" (LOVE that song by Matthew West!). Become more intentional about creating memories & spending quality time. I hope pray for PEACE. Don't get wrapped up in the craziness and be still with my "final" baby.
- I of course hope that the baby sleeps well, cries little and is a baby that is peaceful and happy. But, I also know that I will survive if that doesn't all come true. (Thanks Aidan for teaching mommy!!)
- We'll see if it happens, but I think I'll do better at "memory keeping" for the 3rd than with Aidan. He was such a mess- so is his baby book, 1st year calendar etc. I've since learned simplified methods to maintain all that. I think!
- A smooth transition with the baby, Aidan & Emma adjusting to the change.
- Maybe HOPE isn't the right word. Hope makes it sound as though "I" have a lot more control in what happens than I really do. So, what I know to be true... God has a plan for this baby already. No matter it's gender, health or any other "issues" this child was chosen for us, designed unique with it's days already counted, and blessed with special gifts. So, my hope is to always remember the blessing we've been given and to help guide this child to use his/her special gifts to enrich the lives of others and to serve it's Creator.

Things I Regret...
I hate to even put this "negative" part to a post, but with my personality I have to get this "stuff" down and out of my brain to let go.
r I regret just living the day in and day outs of this pregnancy. I hardly stopped to do the daydreaming and reflection I did with especially Emma. For heaven sakes we don't know what this one is and I've only allowed my brain to invision if our next family photo will be + a girl or a boy a few times.
r I seldom cracked a pregnancy book to find out what was developing this day/week. Where was I when that little bitty heart took it's first beat? When you opened your eyes for the first time? When did you start to recognize voices from "out here"?
r Have I used a calm, peaceful and soft voice since you've been able to hear me...or have you already heard my moments of irritation and frustration?
r I have found myself wishing for the end to get here to meet you, but also to get out of the discomfort I feel. I told myself in the beginning...the 9 months fly by...remember that and keep focused on the prize at the end. Don't feel like I've done that. The discomfort has been so much greater, and the exhaustion with the other 2. Now as the end nears I find myself slamming on the breaks as I don't feel ready. I often think...I could carry on like this a while longer...right??!!
r Not realizing with only 1 how much time I actually did have- until #2 came & now to probably learn that I had a lot more time with 2 than I realized until 3 arrives.

So ONE more month to-
Feel those flutters & kicks. Oh, my ribs!
Let God finish this precious little baby.
Take time to daydream.
Get a few things done to be "ready".
Utilize man-to-man defense.
Attempt to sleep.
Oh, yea...and find a name!

So, boy/girl, bald/hair, happy/fussy, scowl/no scowl, 7lbs or 9lbs we'll know in a month!


thepartridgefamily said...

WOW!!! Lots and lots of things run through the mind of a mother to be. And I hear you all the way. It was nice for you to share those things with everyone. And don't forget you have everyone here to be by your side. I know I don't live close but I am here for you too. Try to enjoy what you have left of your time as mommy of 2. It mayb never slow down again. :)

shondak said...

I laugh and cry right along with your posts so often!! I hear you and feel for you! How truly and honest! You are processing these last few weeks in an amazing way... keep your focus! I love you girl!! -Shonda

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